"letters to our children" april edition

Time to write a letter to my least photographed child. He is the least photographed not by my choice. He really really really does not like for me to take pictures of him. In fact he runs the other way literally when he sees my camera. I often joke with him that someday he will be sad when he doesn't see himself in any of these pictures I am taking but I try to respect him. I do at least twice a year force him to let me take some of him. I have to have some kind of photographic record of him...hoping someday he'll let me take more? But I'm guessing it will probably get harder as he gets older...

To my oldest,

Oh my first born little man, where do I begin? I guess I can begin with the beginning? You were the first babe to come into my world. I was hesitant and scared to be responsible for a little human. I was scared for all the things I would have to give up to be a mom, all the freedoms I would no longer have. Sound a little selfish? I probably was but once you were in my arms all those fears went away. Yes, I gave up a lot. Life as I knew it was totally different. I've always been one of those people who needs a fair amount of alone time...quiet time to myself where I can think, have peace, and just be. Well that kind of time is hard to come by to a mom...and it was ok. You made it ok. I couldn't have imagined how much I could love a little baby..soooo much love for you. You were quite the hard baby. You cried and cried and cried and cried. In my first time mommy naivety, I thought "well that's just what baby's do. They cry....a lot." You tried my patience those first several months. It was hard. We both didn't sleep..and even with all the hard things, I couldn't imagine it any other way. You were my new world. My little man.

You have always been an intense little guy. You are so crazy passionate/obsessive about the things you love. It started with Buzz Light-year on your second birthday. I think it was love at first sight with you two. Something just clicked when you saw him. For two years our lives revolved around that Buzz toy. All the times you threw him to "infinity and beyond" onto our wood floors. I still can see the dents from that. And Buzz took quite the beating. Eventually he took on a new name..."headless Buzz without a hand". That's what you called him. All of your throwing broke off his head, hands, and eventually his leg. We bought you a new one but you still preferred "headless buzz". Then you loved "Cars" and Lighting McQueen with that same passion for a while. Then came the Star Wars phase, and then Harry Potter. You loved each phase with all your heart. That's what you do. You are kind of an all or nothing kid. Until I had other kids, I thought this is just what kids did. None of your siblings have had the passion that you have for what you are into. You put all of your heart and energy into the things you love. I have to admit, it can be a little exhausting to the rest of us. And it's hard for you when everyone around you doesn't share in what you are loving. It's actually a pretty cool thing to watch you be so passionate. I pray that you can continue to find things in your life that light this fire you have in you. I sometimes worry about this quality too. On the opposite side of this passion comes a little bit of detachment. There isn't a whole lot of middle ground with you. You are completely into something or completely disinterested which can be a bit of a problem at times. I know that you will go far in life if you can find a way to channel this excitement and passion in positive ways.

You now are 10 years old going on 16. I cannot believe how much you have grown up in the last year. This time last year you would still play with toys...Harry Potter was your obsession. Now you wouldn't be caught dead playing with toys..not even your precious, adored, and well love legos...they are now collecting dust. (Tear). Where has the time gone?  You live, sleep, eat, breath, and dream basketball. It makes me laugh because a little over a year ago when you Dad would watch games, you would get soooo bugged. You were not interested in the slightest. Now you come home from school and watch Sports Center. WHAT? Yes, and you never ending questions about sports trivia is enough to drive me up a wall. I have never been interested in sports...AT ALL! I can't sit through a game for the life of me. It's fun to see you and your Dad be able to do this together.

You are a kind hearted kid who has always (I noticed it when you were 4 or 5) had a special place in your heart for little kids. You can be very sarcastic and a little bit of a punk to your the second and third kids in the family but I don't know if I have EVER seen you be anything short of completely patient and kind with your baby sister. It melts my heart to watch how kind, sweet and helpful you are to her. You have always been this way. It is so very sweet.

You and I butt heads a little bit. I really hate this. I think we are a lot a like in some ways. You can be so stubborn sometimes it's crazy...but so can I. I know when you get this way or act out at all it's really a cry for attention. Sometimes I feel guilty. I have been having babies about every two years your whole life. Babies take a lot of my attention and energy. I feel like sometimes because  you are the oldest, you are the one whose needs get pushed to the side most often. I really try to not let this happen but it's just how it is sometimes. I hope you understand it's not because I love you any less...it's just that these little people can't do as much for themselves. I think you know that most of the time but I sometimes wonder and worry. You have to know that I love you. You will always be my first baby. I love seeing the person you are growing into although I sometimes miss the little guy who would sit in my lap and cuddle with me. I admire your crazy passion for the things that you love in life. It's very inspiring. I'm honored to be your mother. I sometimes wonder how I could possibly be so blessed.

I love you my little man, to infinity and beyond!



And now for images of my camera shy boy...totally random and in no particular order...

Up next is the talented Marla Cyree of Simply Splendid Images...be sure to follow the circle for some heartfelt letters and images from a wonderful group of mothers and awesome photographers...